The Infield Fly Rule Rule

July 6th, 2010 comments 2

The Infield Fly Rule Rule states that the easiest way to assess a person’s baseball fandom is by testing their knowledge of the infield fly rule. Further, one who wishes to project a nuanced understanding of the game, its quirks, and its history, can do so simply by alluding to the infield fly rule. When strung together, the words infield, fly, and rule become a potent shorthand for intelligent baseball discussion.

Fan 1: “Janice is finally coming around on baseball.”
Fan 2: “Oh yeah?”
Fan 1: “Yeah, I overhead her trying to explain the infield fly rule to one of her girlfriends.”

Thorough understanding of the Infield Fly Rule is a prerequisite for Justice League Admission

Check out the Infield Fly Rule Rule in the RBI Database

Lawyer Ball

May 20th, 2010 comments 0

When yer too scared to play with the big boys by swingin a big stick, and you’d rather dance yer way down to first on the wings of a technicality, yer playin lawyer ball. Wouldn’t want to get yerself dirty now would you Sally? Best to stay inside playing chess with yer dolls.

Taken from the cartoon about Texans, King of the Hill, when Hank says to Bobby: “Don’t play lawyer-ball, son.”

Dang it, Bobby, that's accountant fielding

Visit Lawyer Ball in the RBI wiki

Bradenia

May 6th, 2010 comments 5

Bradenia is the personal space surrounding a baseball player on the field. It is his sovereign nation, his personal kingdom. The expanse of its borders is determined by his values, his experiences, his weird sensitivities. The term takes its name from pitcher Dallas Braden, who’s eponymous Bradenia — mapped by Flip Flop Flyball’s Craig Robinson — was invaded in the form of Alex Rodriguez trampling across the pitchers mound on his way to first base.

As Bradenia is a symbolic space, its borders may vary from moment to moment, and its defenses may not be entirely consistent. It also varies from player to player. A breech of Milton Bradley’s Bradenia, for instance, could consist merely of a funny look or snide comment and would surely lead to swift and violent retribution. Meanwhile the same comment directed toward, say, Yadier Molina, would likely elicit no more than a disinterested an uninterested suspiro — or “sigh” in English.

Visit Bradenia in the RBI Wiki

Bill James Disease

April 23rd, 2010 comments 0

Bill James Disease is an affliction of the modern baseball fan. Those afflicted must compulsively second guess every assertion made by mainstream media members who are speaking for the most part off the top of their heads.

No matter how insignificant the offhand remark about Kevin Youkilis’ tendency to hit fly balls or how Tim Lincecum gets better as the game goes on, when the ex-jock lets the comment fly the Bill James Disease sufferer’s heart rate and blood pressure rise and he experiences an increased sense of injustice in the world. Since he’s probably at a computer anyway, the sufferer quickly surfs to the Fangraphs page that will most hastily dispatch the putrid–but long-forgotten by everyone else–claim, and tweet about it.

Experts have traced Bill James Disease back to its source: a pile of punch cards in Nowheresville, Kansas.

Visit Bill James Disease in the RBI wiki

One-Downsmanship

April 21st, 2010 comments 0

One-Downsmanship is the practice, very common among the Sabermetric Giant population — your Rob Neyers, your Jonah Keris — of downplaying one’s importance to the sabermetric project while simultaneously singing the praises of younger and/or less well-known baseballing nerds. The reason for the deflection is threefold. For one, the Giant realizes that, at its best, the sabermetric community recognizes neither status nor title, but mere reason. For two, he knows that, only 10 years ago, he was the insurgent — that, in fact, the history of sabermetrics is the history of baseballing insurgence. Finally, having spent years refining his nerdly instincts — hunched in front of computers, fixing his broken glasses with all manner of adhesive — the Giant has no capacity either for accepting, let alone demanding, praise.

You’ll know you’ve witnessed One-Downsmanship when you see the Giant say of another baseballing nerd, “We’ll all be working for him someday.”

Sabermetric analysis breeds a fraternal spirit among its practitioners.

The Templeton

April 19th, 2010 comments 0

The Templeton is an absurdly nostalgic and cliché-ridden baseball newspaper article. It is defined by its transparent efforts to tug at heartstrings, its exploitation of tragedy, and the inevitable warm, optimistic sensation it leaves in the guts of readers – the sensation being similar to that which results from prolonged exposure to a food-heating lamp.

The Templeton gets its name from fictional Baltimore Sun reporter Scott Templeton of HBO’s The Wire. Unable to secure a good interview on Opening Day at Camden Yards, Templeton invents the story of a disabled, orphaned, broke, baseball-loving inner-city teenager who cut school in order to linger around the outside of the stadium and search for a way in.

The blueprint for The Templeton is the story of Babe Ruth making good on his vow to homer for terminally ill 11-year old Johnny Sylvester in 1926. Since then, The Templeton has reemerged in many forms. It could be the story of a longtime criminal who turned his life around as a youth baseball coach, or that of long-lost high school teammates and friends, reconnected as senior citizens.

Fan 1: Did you read that Plaschke article about the scout who signed Andre Ethier?

Fan 2: Yeah, Fire Joe Morgan destroyed it.  It was such a Templeton.

Nothing says hard-hitting journalism like a sweater vest.

The Templeton in the RBI Database

The Fantasy Paradox

April 16th, 2010 comments 0

The Fantasy Paradox occurs when a hitter on your fantasy baseball team is facing a pitcher who is also on your fantasy baseball team. The success of one can only come with the failure the other. Many a J.V. Ricciardi‘s brain has been twisted up trying to determine the best possible outcome for the conundrum. Delusional examples hoped for include, among many others:

  • The pitcher gives up a home run to only that one hitter, but wins the game
  • The pitcher gives up, okay, just nothing bigger than a double, without giving up a run and getting the save
  • The pitcher walks the hitter, who then steals second and third but doesn’t score
  • The pitcher throws a no-hitter but walks the hitter four times

Who knew the metaphysical consequences that Marquis v. Polanco could have?

Visit The Fantasy Paradox in the RBI wiki

Old Milwaukee

April 14th, 2010 comments 0

Old Milwaukee is the title bestowed upon the eldest active member of the Milwaukee Brewer roster. Used widely by area journalists, soccer moms, and even the more enthusiastic of the local deaf-mute population, the term owes its popularity not merely to its simplicity, but also to the fact that people — almost regardless of race, color, or creed — need little prompting to think about beer.

Though age is the determining factor in the bestowal of the title, it is also stipulated that, like Old Milwaukee beer, the holder of said title must be “built right.” The current holder of the Old Milwaukee sobriquet is 42-year-old relief pitcher Trevor Hoffman.

Ceremonial short pants.

The Official Sponsor

April 12th, 2010 comments 0

The Official Sponsor is responsible for feeding America’s appetite for baseball, as well as its appetite for tortilla chips, light beer, and high quality motor oil. The Official Sponsor graciously provides us with the defensive play of the day, the slow-motion replay, and the call to the bullpen. We are grateful to the Official Sponsor for presenting the national pastime, as well as for free checking accounts, quality life insurance, and affordable air travel.

Joe Torre is brought to you by Budweiser.

The Official Sponsor presents the RBI Database

Lima Time

April 4th, 2010 comments 0

Lima Time is that brief and shining epoch when a quirky, under-talented player catches lightning in a bottle and outplays himself and his time. This unlikely overachiever captures the country’s imagination, sending homers over the wall through sheer charisma or perplexing hitters on the wings of sheer enthusiasm. Lima Time is named for the king of both the highs and the lows, pitcher Jose Lima.

Lima Time is short-lived: it must be. The dream can’t continue for longer than the law of randomness will allow. Soon the enchanted player will return to his job on the docks, and America will glom onto the next one-season wonder on the rise. Signs that a player is in the midst of Lima Time can include: an excess of punning newspaper headlines, a silly nickname, extreme focus on eccentric tics, and wigged fan clubs.
Notable Lima Time players include:
  • Jose Lima
  • Bob “The Hammer” Hamelin
  • Mark “The Bird” Fidrych

Nobody was a bigger fan of the Astrodome than Jose “Lima Time” Lima.

Visit Lima Time in the RBI wiki

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